indigo_angels

Face drummed his fingers nervously against the steering wheel of his hire car and checked for the hundredth time in the last few minutes that his hand gun was still tucked into the waist band of his trousers. BA had wanted to dump all the firepower in Irkutsk, was convinced that it would get them stopped at the airport, but Face wasn’t so sure. He knew for a fact that Russian security wasn’t up to the levels of the west, and also knew that for every official wanting to do their job properly, there were another six who really couldn’t give a damn. In the end, there hadn’t even been anyone at the security desk for the internal flight to Magadan. It was almost as if the officials thought that no one would even think of doing anything nefarious in the back of beyond like that. Despite the comfort his gun brought him, he sighed and tapped his feet anxiously, hoping to all hell that he had done the right thing in making them split up.

When he’d arrived back at the cabin, Murdock and BA had leapt to their feet, just knowing from the wild look on his face that something had gone radically wrong, but Face hadn’t enlightened them, there had been no time for a meltdown then. They’d packed up, wiped their prints off everything and waited until the train had started its slow approach into Irkutsk. Face had told them about the Militsiya, made them wait until the station was just visible in the distance of the grey early morning, and then they had jumped, slipping down the embankment and over a fence onto the roadside.

Pure good luck, the first that Face had felt in a while, had found them on the main bus route to the airport, and it was riding that early morning bus that Face had decided they stood out far too much together, and would need to split up if they were to get out of Irkutsk at all.

On arriving at the airport, Face took them to one side and quickly briefed them, handing out passports and money and garbled instructions on what to do if one of them were detained. Neither Murdock or BA were keen on splitting up, and to be honest, either was Face, but they could see the sense in it, and Murdock could see the edges of panic around Face’s eyes and so they played along, BA’s expression about as dark as Face had ever seen it.

“Okay, guys?” Face had asked for about the twentieth time, “You know what to do? You know your i.d?” Face had thought he’d done damn well with the passports and visas in the limited time he’d had in Omsk. His was Russian, Murdock’s Dutch as he knew the Captain spoke the language a little, BA’s Australian, not as inconspicuous as he would have preferred, but BA didn’t speak any other languages that he knew of, and a British passport had been impossible to come by. He’d also given BA a worn little phrase book, and tried to emphasise the need to blend in. Then he’d sent them off, and like a mother the first time she lets her children walk to school alone, watched them both until they were out of sight.

Face had bought his ticket last, his pile of stolen Rubles rapidly diminishing and chose an aisle seat for the eight hour flight, one where, fortunately, he could see both Murdock and BA at their seats in front of him. It was a tense eight hours, but it passed without incident. Face wondered if Uri had been found yet, guessed he would have been as soon as the train stopped in Irkutsk. He’d seen some Militsiya at the airport, but the story he’d told Uri about having to get into Moscow through the back door seemed to have paid off, as it was ticket desks to Moscow and other major cities in the west that were being watched. Not desks selling tickets to the edge of the world.

Sokol Airport, seventy clicks out of Magadan loomed out of the thick grey blanket of cloud and Face leaned forward, trying to see as much as he could, almost as if there would be a huge neon arrow flashing in the sky, Hannibal is here... or something like that. He let out a wry smile; as if his life would ever be that straight forward.

Passing through the airport building had been straightforward, however, and so had hiring a car. And now Face was waiting by the bus station for the others, Murdock had volunteered to take the shuttle bus while BA was getting a taxi, and then they were to meet here. Face looked at his watch. No one was late yet, but he felt sick to his stomach and wondered again if he had done the right thing making them split up.

Another bus swung in to the bleak little terminal, looking grey in the fading daylight, and Face let out a huge sigh of relief as he saw Murdock hop down, turn and offer up a jaunty salute to the driver then head the long way around the car park, looking to anyone watching from the bus, as if he were planning on walking to his next destination. At the last minute, he dropped down and zig zagged quickly through the lines of cars, opening the back door and sliding in behind Face.

“Okay?”

Both men spoke at the same time, and both couldn’t hold back their identical grins of relief as they bumped fists, but Murdock’s faded pretty fast after that, “No sign of the big guy?” he asked, the tension in his voice obvious.

“Not yet,” Face admitted, his own level of unease growing; BA had the quickest route here, he should have been the first one waiting. Face began to wonder again about sense of his decision.

As the two men continued to anxiously watch the road in front of them, a shadow suddenly loomed up against the side of the car and they both spun in response, Face drawing his gun even as BA opened the passenger door and slipped in.

“’Bout time you two showed!” the big guy grumbled as he threw his bag into the back with Murdock, “Too cold waitin’ for you, so I went in that shop over there,” he hooked a huge thumb over his shoulder, “Got us some hot dog things and some coffee, the food on the plane was shit...” He stopped as he saw the incredulous looks his team mates were giving him and scowled as he pulled his seat belt on. “What? You two fools think you’re the only ones can get anythin’ done ‘round here?” he shook his head, “Sounds ‘bout right! Now are you gonna drive or what Face, ‘cos we aint gettin’ any younger jus’ sittin’ here!”

Face smiled again, tucked his hand gun back into the waistband of his suit trousers, grabbed one of the coffees and pulled out of the parking lot.

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It was late at night and Face was totally exhausted. He really didn't want to give up in his search for the boss, even just for a few hours, but he’d fallen over twice now, the second time down a flight of steps near the Militsiya headquarters in the city centre, not a good way to keep a low profile, and so finally had to admit defeat. He felt about as low as he could ever remember feeling in his entire life. Of course he had never expected that neon sign pointing the way to the boss, but he also hadn’t expected this total and utter blank he kept on drawing either. Not one person he had spoken to had even heard of the Morovoz family, and no amount of Rubles could persuade them otherwise. Face had wondered if they were just too scared to admit to what they knew, but he found that hard to believe in face after face after face, after all he knew damn well what scared looked like, and tonight he just hadn’t seen it.

He slipped into the abandoned warehouse near the docks that they were using as a base and almost fell asleep in the chilli that Murdock had thrown together with the rest of the supplies BA had bought, before his team mates hauled him off the box he was sitting on and almost wrestled him into a sleeping bag, watching in concern as he fell asleep the second his eyes closed.

“He can’t go on like this,” it was Murdock that eventually broke the silence, “I mean look at him BA, he’s dead on his feet.” He leaned over and looked closely at Face in the light of the fire they had going, “His face is all bashed up some more, you think he’s been in another fight?”

“Don’t think so,” BA had his arms wrapped around himself against the cold of the night, “Looks more like he fell down to me, them scrapes on his face are the same as the ones on his hands.”

Murdock sighed heavily, somehow falling down was worse than getting into a fist fight.

“What are we gonna do?”

“Nothin’ we can do.” BA turned away and started unrolling his sleeping bag onto some flattened cardboard packaging. “Damn fool’s let the power go to his head, won’t let us do nothin’ ‘cept sit around here twiddling our thumbs all day. Won’t be happy ‘til he’s found the boss all on his own.”

“He’s just tryin’ to keep us safe, big guy...” Murdock was scratching the back of his hand again. “But what if...” he stopped and swallowed, “What if...” BA turned and looked at him, “What if...” but he still couldn’t say it.

BA was at his side in a moment, taking hold of his fingers and gently stopping their incessant scratching, “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it,” he whispered, squeezing gently.

“But I don't want to go back there Bosco...” Murdock’s eyes were wide and BA felt them almost reaching down to his very core.

“No one is gonna make you go back,” he whispered, the shame he felt at his lie heating his cheeks.

“No?” Murdock let out a dry laugh, “They’re gonna try and who’s gonna stop them? Me? You?” he shook his head sadly, “Even Face aint gonna be able to do that, an’ we all know that if we lose the boss, I’m not gonna be the only one heading for the nut bin...” his eyes drifted significantly over to their sleeping XO.

“We aint losin’ the boss” BA mumbled but Murdock just looked back at him and shook his head again.

“Just ‘cause that’s what you want, big guy, don’t make it true. We don't even know if he’s still alive anymore, or where he is. An’ without the boss all three of us are in the shit. You know that.” They held each other’s stare, both recognising the stark truth of the words.

“Maybe,” BA conceded, “But it sure as hell aint time to quit yet. So, in the meantime you need to get yourself into that sleeping bag there next to the Faceman an’ get some sleep. I’ll do first watch an’ I’ll think on what you said, find a way round it if it kills me.”

Murdock looked up at him, his eyes shining wet and nodded, “Thanks,” he whispered, and BA knew he wasn’t just talking about the bed.

________________

In the early hours of the morning, Murdock and BA switched places. Murdock made BA promise not to wake Face, and while BA moaned on, grumbled that Face was taking advantage of them, he did promise and Murdock went off to check the perimeter secure in the knowledge that Face would get a good night’s rest.

He was disappointed however. Just as the first cracks of light were spilling into the sky in the east, Murdock came back to the warehouse to find Face, looking like death warmed over, huddled on the floor next to the remains of the fire.

Murdock watched him for a moment, frowning at the state he was in, before he made his way over, sitting down on the concrete right next to him, taking in the pale, bruised skin, the suit, now dirty and crumpled and finally noticing the tears that dripped silently onto the ground between his legs.

“Oh, Face,” he murmured, feeling his own eyes sting in sympathy, and he just grabbed onto him, pulled his XO’s tear streaked face into his own neck and held on tight.

Face, incredibly, let himself be tugged in like that, and Murdock felt a welcome warmth flow through him as arms came up behind him, holding on for dear life and Face started to shake as sobs wracked through his body.

Murdock didn’t speak, there was nothing at all he could say, he just let Face cry, holding him tightly so he wouldn’t crumble into pieces, and waited for the storm to pass.

It took almost ten minutes before Face came back to himself in a rush. One second he was clinging onto Murdock like a lifebelt in the current, the next he was yanking himself free, turning away, scrubbing at his eyes with the back of his hand in a weirdly childlike way and obviously just wishing the ground would open up and swallow him.

“Jesus Christ...” he muttered, smearing filth from his hands onto his face and vice versa, “Fuck, HM, I’m sorry. So sorry, man. Don’t know what came over me...”

Watching him with concerned eyes, Murdock despaired at the one step forward two steps back that Face kept making in his ability to open up. He knew Face had some trusts issues going on, hell, who didn’t? But even so, he’d never known a guy cling onto themselves so tight. “Don’t worry, eat curry...” he muttered instead, frowning when he couldn’t even make Face smile.

He tried a change of tactic and stoked the fire up a bit, throwing more broken up pallet into the dying flames. “So, why don't we all go out together today then Face, look for the boss together, many hands make light work they say.”

Face still wouldn’t look over, was still scrubbing self consciously at his face, “No way,” he said quietly, “I can’t let you and BA go out there, they’re not used to strangers round here, you’d stand out a mile. Recipe for fucking disaster...” he muttered.

Swallowing his frustration, Murdock tried again, “We’d be okay. I know we haven’t done anywhere near as much of this sneaking about stuff as you and Hannibal have, but we can still do it you know. We can maybe-”

“No!” Face’s head whipped round and Murdock stopped short, “I am responsible for the two of you! How can I ever face Hannibal again if I let something happen to you?”

Murdock shook his head, “You don’t have to baby-sit us.”

“No, but...” Face’s anger rushed out of him and left him empty and his head sagged down into his hands, “It’s looking more and more likely that the boss won’t be going home. I can’t not send you and BA either...”

There was a long silence as Murdock processed this new information. So, Face was beginning to give up hope of ever finding the boss again, and more than that, he was planning on sending Murdock and BA back without him. He learned enough about Face in the last six months to know that confrontation was not the right way to handle him, so instead he made sure his voice was as quiet as possible before saying, “You know if you don’t go back, they will list you as AWOL.”

Face just shrugged, “Not bothered. Not going back without the boss.”

Murdock watched his bent head in silence for a few minutes before whispering, “What if we don’t want to come back either?”

That got Face’s attention. His puffy, bloodshot eyes met Murdock’s and he frowned, “But, why...” the question tailed off into nothing.

Poking at the rapidly rising flames, Murdock shrugged. “Why not bud? You think we’d leave you here on your own? You think we’d leave the boss while there was still the slightest chance we’d find him? You think there would be anything for me an’ BA to go back to without Hannibal?”

The two men watched each other in silence for a moment before Face looked away again. “I was nineteen when I met the boss,” he whispered, watching the fire, “Even though my papers said I was twenty three. Already been in the Army an age, already a Ranger, already commissioned,” he shook his head ruefully, “already on my way back out again, right on the edge of a dismissal.” He met Murdock’s gaze again, “Hannibal was the only one who cared enough to even try and stop my self destruction. He saved my career, he saved my sanity, hell, James, he saved my god damn life...” Face had to stop as his throat closed up again.

“I know, Face,” Murdock soothed, “I know all this. I can see it in the way you look at him, the way he looks at you. I could from that very first day in Mexico, the way he touched you in the corridor before he’d even spoken to me, I knew from that second onwards what it was like for you two, I know how hard this all is for you.”

Normally at this point Face would start yelling about how he didn’t know, how no one could understand how he felt about Hannibal, how no one would ever be able to even guess at the pain and desperation he felt right now, but looking at Murdock, he knew that that wasn’t true. Face felt blessed every single day of his life that, in Hannibal, he had finally met someone who understood him. Now it seemed he’d been lucky enough to meet another; he doubted it would be enough to get him through this if they didn’t find the boss again, but... well, it was a start.

He reached out a filthy, bloodied hand and gripped Murdock’s fingers tightly in his own, no words needed to say what he wanted the captain to know.

___________________________

In the end they reached a compromise. Face would try for one more day on his own, and if he achieved nothing, then tomorrow, they would all go out. BA didn’t say anything, was fed up of being babied, was fed up of Face acting like a baby, but he could see that something had happened while he was sleeping, that Face seemed to be teetering on the edge of something, that Murdock seemed to be even more careful and attentive around him, and resolved to hold his tongue until he got chance to talk to Murdock alone.

He also noticed, however, that Murdock was standing up to Face more, and that Face, surprisingly, was taking it. Murdock wouldn’t let him leave the warehouse that morning until he had cleaned himself up a bit, changed out of the ruined suit, eaten the left over chilli that was warmed through carefully on the fire and let Murdock treat the new cuts and scrapes that littered his skin. And when all that was done, Face did look a bit more human, had slightly more colour about him and didn’t look like he was in danger of falling down at any second.

Murdock seemed calmer too, more in control which BA was pleased about. But the second that Face had slipped out again, BA found his pilot watching the lieutenant walking away, worrying at the skin on the back of his hand again and BA slipped a comforting arm around his shoulder, grabbing those busy fingers with his own and wishing that there was something he could do to distract Murdock from the emptiness and the worry while Face was out searching for the boss.

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