Motivation - H/F - Part 9
May. 2nd, 2011 09:12 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
indigo_angelsHannibal shifted uncomfortably in the seat in the hotel lobby, watching absently while the dining room staff cleared away from breakfast and started setting up for lunch. Eight hours Face had been gone. Eight hours and no word at all.
He’d tried to get some sleep, but only managed a short, dream filled doze before jerking awake, looking at his sweat soaked t-shirt and heading for the shower. Then he’d come down to the lobby and sat himself where he could see the main entrance, and waited.
Twice he’d phoned the hospital. Both times they’d had no news of Face, and both times he had been given the same news about Dougie, “Comfortable. Resting.” You had better enjoy that rest, Hannibal had thought murderously, because it’s the last comfortable rest you’ll ever get if I have anything to do with it...
He rubbed his tired eyes and considered ordering some coffee to try and wake himself up a bit when he became aware of a presence next to him, and turned, taking in Tosh’s pale, tired features looking down at him.
“Hey, son,” he pulled himself to his feet and rested a hand on Tosh’s good shoulder, “How you doing?”
“Fine,” Tosh looked awkward and tense, but Hannibal supposed it had been a tough week for him, for them all.
He noticed the hard pot replacing the bandages on his broken left arm, and for the first time, wondered just what Face had done to break it, but then he saw the kit bag packed up on the floor at his feet and frowned. “You leaving?”
“Yeah,” Tosh looked down at the bag, “Heading back to base. Nothing to stay here for now.”
Of course. Hannibal could understand that, but there were things to be taken care of here. “So, what about Dougie? Have you spoken to the MPs? Told them what’s been going on?”
Tosh’s eyes were still on his bag, “Yeah. It’s all sorted. They don't need anything else from me now.”
“Right,” Hannibal felt really bad for him, having to head back to base alone with all the rumours and stories that would be flying about, “Well, you know where I am, son, if you need a hand with anything.”
Tosh looked up, surprise etched clearly all over his face, ”Thank you sir.”
Hannibal shrugged, “You’re a victim here as well you know, Tosh. He’s got a hell of a lot to answer for, the way he’s been treating you. You didn’t deserve that. And now you’ve told people what’s been going on you’ll get chance to have the career you’ve earned.” Tosh looked mortified, his pale face flushing red and Hannibal figured he wasn’t used to the praise. “You’re a hell of a good soldier,” Hannibal smiled at him, “remember that, son.”
Tosh turned away, and Hannibal could see the tears standing in his eyes, then he looked back and for a second Hannibal thought he was going to say something, but then the moment had passed and he just shouldered his bag instead.
“You need lift somewhere?” Hannibal offered.
Shaking his head, Tosh extended his hand, “No thanks sir, I’ve called a cab.” Hannibal nodded and Tosh turned away, stopping for a second to mumble, “Thanks for everything,” before hurrying out of the doors and into the sunshine.
___________________________
One hour and a full cafetiere of coffee later and Hannibal was considering calling the hospital again when the hotel receptionist approached him with a portable phone. “Colonel Smith?” she enquired nervously and when Hannibal nodded she held the phone out to him, “Phone call for you. It’s a Captain Taggart.”
Hannibal smiled his thanks and took the phone, trying to quell the nervous snakes in his stomach, “Tag. How’s it going?”
“Hannibal. Well, we’re all done with your boy for now.”
“Great,” Hannibal was already getting to his feet, “I’ll come and get him straight away.”
“No need,” Hannibal frowned at the obvious tiredness in Tag’s voice, “He’s getting a cab.”
“A cab?!”
The outrage was clear in Hannibal’s voice and so was Tag’s sigh, “I know, boss,” he muttered, “I told him I would call you, offered to send him in a car, but he wouldn’t have it. He’s very stubborn when he wants to be...”
Hannibal closed his eyes for a second, there was obviously more to that statement than just Face’s choice of transportation. He let himself sink back into the seat, “What’s been going on Tag?” he asked with trepidation.
Again Tag sighed, but this time Hannibal could hear the frustration in it, “I don't know, boss, I really don’t. Lt. McIntosh told us that Col. McArthur had assaulted your boy there, and he’s obviously taken a bit of a pounding, but then there was some sparring match or something yesterday as well?”
“Yeah,” Hannibal confirmed.
“So, it could just be that. But anyway, Lt. Peck reckons nothing happened between him and Col. McArthur,” Hannibal closed his eyes again, “Said that they were going over a few sparring moves and the colonel fell, hit his head on the bedside table. And then you turned up and called 911.”
“Bullshit!” Hannibal growled.
“My thoughts exactly,” Tag replied, “but that’s the boy’s story and he’s sticking to it.”
Hannibal rubbed his brow and looked around checking no one was in listening distance before hunching over and hissing into the phone, “That bastard has been after Face all week, eventually got him into his room when the kid was three sheets to the wind after his last fight and sexually assaulted him! But Face didn’t win that sparring match for nothing and when he fought back in self defence that’s how Dougie hit his head!”
There was a pause on the other end of the line, “But that’s not what the lieutenant is saying.”
“Well, did he have a medical? What did that show?”
Again Tag paused, “It says, and I’m quoting here Hannibal, ‘No evidence of sexual assault’.”
Hannibal took just a moment to process the good and bad news this brought, before querying, “’No evidence’. So what does that mean?”
“It means that there is nothing to say he was raped, could have been some other type of assault, but no rape. And of course, Lt. Peck is saying nothing happened.”
“But the kid could have stopped it before it got that far?”
“Possibly. But he’s not saying anything to us, Hannibal. I can’t stress enough that if he doesn’t say anything, then the only evidence we have got is the assault on Col. McArthur.”
“What?!”
“Hannibal,” Tag’s voice was desperate, “Please calm down, no one is accusing your boy of anything, I’m just telling you what it looks like.”
Hannibal swore. “Well what about Lt. McIntosh? Who spoke to him? Dougie’s been doing all sorts to that poor boy for months! If Face is saying nothing what about Tosh?”
There was a moment’s pause and Hannibal could hear paper being turned, “I didn’t really talk to him myself,” Tag eventually replied, “But I have the report here from my colleague and...” more rustling paper, “No. Sorry Hannibal. Lt. McIntosh hasn’t made any allegations about Col. McArthur at all.”
Again Hannibal swore, earning a scowl from two elderly ladies walking through the lobby.
“I can head back over to you,” Tag was trying so hard with this, “Have a word with Lt. McIntosh myself, see what he says?”
Hannibal was massaging the bridge of his nose, “No good, Tag. He’s shipped back out to base, left about an hour ago. Lied to me about what he’d said...”
“Okay,” Tag sounded as defeated as Hannibal now, “Well, I can get someone out there to have another chat with him in the next couple of days, see what he says when he’s had chance to think about it, but that’s the best I can do.”
“Right...” Hannibal felt like he was drifting through swift flowing rapids, “And I’ll talk to the kid when he gets back. See if I can work out what the hell he thinks he’s doing.”
“Fine, but...” Tag stopped awkwardly.
“Spit it out, Tag.”
“I’ve told Lt. Peck he needs to stay in town, at the hotel for the next couple of days. We need to know where he is in case we need him again.”
“You mean in case you need to bring him in for assaulting a superior officer?” there was a bite to Hannibal’s voice that wasn’t lost on Tag.
“Hannibal, you know my position here. I’ve just heard that Col. McArthur is awake so when we get chance to talk to him everything should be a bit clearer, but you need to keep hold of your boy. I don't need to tell you how bad it would look if he went AWOL just now...”
“You’re the one who just let him out in a taxi!” Hannibal snapped.
“What?” the worry was clear in Tag’s voice, “You really think he’ll do a runner?”
Hannibal’s forehead dropped into his hand, “I don't know, Tag, I really don't know. But he’s scared and he’s freaked out and I have no idea what the hell he thinks he’s doing by lying to you...” he shook his head, “I just don’t know.”
“Okay,” Tag sounded exhausted, “You’ve still got my mobile number then, boss?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, call me if you need me. Otherwise I will be in touch once I’ve spoken to Col. McArthur. Alright?”
“Yeah. Thanks Tag,” and Hannibal hung up, feeling so much worse than he had before the conversation.
__________________________
Hannibal couldn’t sit down at all. He paced back and forth across the lobby wondering how long a taxi from County General would take, and how long he should wait before he decided that Face wasn’t coming back.
In the end it was twenty of the longest minutes of Hannibal’s life before he saw a taxi pull up and Face’s unmistakable figure haul himself out. Hannibal stood waiting by the elevators, the list of questions he had for Face whirling around his head, vying for position, but once he got a good look at the kid, he knew they would all have to wait.
Face hadn’t seen him yet, and was making his way across the lobby, hands deep in his pockets, eyes down, face pale and bruised and just looking thoroughly beaten and exhausted. Hannibal’s heart went out to him and he watched, appalled as he staggered slightly walking around the pillars in front of the elevators. He reached out a finger for the call button and saw Hannibal standing there, seeming to visibly sag even further as he made eye contact with his CO.
“Hannibal,” his voice was tired and strained, “can’t this wait? I’m shattered.”
Hannibal reached an arm out and slid it round his shoulders, feeling the tension in his muscles, “Can’t what wait?” he responded, smiling easily, “I thought you’d want a shower, maybe something to eat and then a few hours sleep, that’s all.”
Face looked at him as they stepped into the elevator, “Shit boss, that sounds like heaven.”
______________________________
Half an hour later, Hannibal was sitting on the bed by the window in his room, watching Face as he slept in the bed across the room. The remains of a hot beef sandwich stood on the bedside table and the comforting smell of Face’s shower gel still lingered from the bathroom.
The kid had made only token protests about not being allowed to sleep in his own room, but Hannibal got the distinct impression that he was actually quite relieved to not be alone. Hannibal was certainly relieved to have Face right where he could keep an eye on him.
He thought back to the conversation with Tag and wondered for the hundredth time why Face had lied about what had happened with Dougie. He thought back to what Face had said, less than twelve hours ago in this very room, “They can’t know! If they hear what I did, they’ll throw me out for sure...” So was that why Face was lying? Couldn’t he see that if there was no good reason for him to hurt Dougie then he was landing himself in a whole world of pain? And what had happened in that room before Dougie lost consciousness? The medics said definitely no rape, but Face had been naked and very distraught when Hannibal had found him. So what did that mean? Tag said ‘other sexual assault’ was a possibility, and what about, Hannibal’s stomach turned, consensual sex, was that what had happened here?
He shook his head; too many questions. Face needed to sleep, and when he woke up, he and Hannibal needed a very long talk. With that thought still bubbling around in his head, Hannibal lay down on his bed and watched Face for a few more minutes before eventually drifting off into his own much needed sleep.
_____________________________
When Hannibal opened his eyes again it was very dark. And very silent. Having spent far too many years sharing sleeping quarters with his men, Hannibal instinctively knew when he was alone. He was out of bed with the light switched on three seconds after waking up.
It took him forty minutes to search Face’s room, the bar, restaurant, casino and garden terrace before wondering if he should phone Tag. It was only when he was leaning against a huge outdoor planter and staring up at the night sky that a sudden thought struck him and he knew just where to look next. Finding the lock picked on the roof access door, he knew he was on the right tracks and within minutes noticed Face’s legs sticking out from around a corner as his lieutenant sat up against the wall, eyes fixed on the thin strip of pale blue on the horizon, the only evidence of the setting sun.
Hannibal watched him for a moment, looking so still and despondent before walking over and sliding down the wall so they were sitting thigh to thigh in the darkness, placing Face’s key card on the ground right next to his fingers.
No one spoke. Hannibal was fully aware that Face had come up here to think and be alone, it was a trick he’d perfected in his orphanage days, and he was quite willing to let him have that time and quiet.
Ten minutes had gone by and the line of pale blue had completely disappeared before Face eventually spoke. “He didn’t rape me you know.”
It was not the opening that Hannibal had expected, but it was welcome in its own way. “Good,” Hannibal replied, failing to mention his conversation with Tag, “But that’s not to say that he didn’t grossly overstep the mark about what is and isn’t acceptable.”
“Hmmm,” Face was still looking out towards the horizon, “He would have done, though, if I hadn’t stopped him.”
“I know,” Hannibal’s voice was rough.
At last Face turned to look at him, “Do you?” he questioned, “Did you know that was all he was after from me? A quick fuck? Another notch on his bedpost?”
For the first time Hannibal questioned the decision he had made not to tell Face about Dougie’s intentions. It was becoming obvious that if he had said something then he could have avoided an awful lot of pain for them both. He looked into Face’s drawn features, “I did suspect it might be the case, yes.”
Face let out a bitter laugh and turned away again, “Bet you had a right laugh at my expense then,” the spite sounded wrong in Face’s voice, “Bet you couldn’t believe just how naive and gullible I could be, expecting someone of Dougie’s position to be interested in anything other than a quick fuck from someone like me!”
“’Someone like you’?” Hannibal repeated incredulously, “What the hell is that supposed to mean Face? Hasn’t his behaviour just proved that you are worth about a hundred of him?”
There was no reply. Face picked up a piece of fallen mortar from next to his knee and started scraping it on the ground, watching as little tiny pieces crumbled off. “The thing is though,” Hannibal had to strain to hear the quiet voice over the sound of the scraping, “I did know what he wanted me for, I could see it in his eyes,” his lips twitched into a mirthless smile, “Loads of men have looked at me like that, ever since I was a boy,” Hannibal felt his fists ball up, “so I knew what he wanted, but...”
“But?” Hannibal prompted quietly.
“But I figured he would be okay, he was your friend after all, you knew him well, really well, so I thought, well, you wouldn’t let me hang out with him if he was gonna try anything on.”
“Oh, God...” Hannibal’s head fell onto his hand, “I’m sorry, kid, so sorry, I knew he wanted you, but I honestly didn’t think he’d try and force you, I swear it!”
“I know,” Face’s voice was still so quiet, “It’s not your fault, he said I lead him on...”
“Oh, Face...” Hannibal shook his head sadly, “And you believe him? No, please don't tell me that, you must believe that you are totally innocent in all of this. If he misread the situation that’s his fault, not yours!”
Face didn’t look convinced, “I don't know boss, I think I must have been giving out the wrong signals all over the place all week, ‘cause none of this has worked out the way it was supposed to.”
Hannibal looked at the side of his head and wondered at that comment. Things began to slide into place in his head and he frowned, turning away to stare at the horizon.
Face followed him and leant forward a little, Hannibal could feel his close proximity and the hairs on his arm stood up on end in response. “Boss,” his whisper was urgent, “I can’t tell anymore if I am reading things right. I mean, you and me, sometimes I feel that, well there is something more to this and sometimes I don’t...”
“Face...”
Hannibal closed his eyes, but Face pushed on regardless, “And I kind of convinced myself that nothing would ever happen between us ‘cause you obviously weren’t into men, but then Dougie said...” Face stopped with a swallow, “Well, I suppose that must be true, and you said that I was worth a hundred of him and if you were willing to be with him...”
“Face...!”
“Then why wouldn’t you want to be with me? But then I asked you, just about, last night in the sparring match and you just cut me down and walked out. But then you came after me and took care of me and wanted to come to the hospital and-”
Face was starting to lose his carefully ordered control and Hannibal couldn’t bear to listen to another word, “Face!” he shouted and the lieutenant stopped, almost swallowing his tongue in his haste and stared at Hannibal, eyes swimming in tears, long lashes spiked in moisture, “Don’t do this, kid,” Hannibal was surprised at the roughness of his voice, “You’re straight. You’ve always been straight, Face. I can deal with that...”
Face let out a strained laugh, roughly wiping at his eyes as he stared at Hannibal, “Boss, this is nothing to do with being straight or otherwise, don't you get that? It’s just about me and you, and recognising what we have!” the desperation was clear in his eyes, his voice, every move he made.
Hannibal couldn’t look at him, couldn’t stand to see those beseeching eyes, “None of that matters though. I’m your CO. That’s all there is. Nothing else matters.”
“Nothing?” the plea was obvious in Face’s voice and it cut right into Hannibal’s chest.
“Nothing,” Hannibal confirmed.
“So, I’m good enough to let an old friend fuck me, but not good enough for anything more with you?”
“I’m your CO,” Hannibal repeated in a whisper, forcing himself to meet those desperate blue eyes head on.
Time stood still as they looked at each in the dark of the night before Face let out a hollow, mirthless laugh. “Well, looks like I am naive and gullible after all,” he angrily swiped at his eyes, “but not for believing in Dougie, oh, no; for believing in myself!,” the last word was almost choked out and Face got to his feet and almost ran across the roof, back to the door leading down into the hotel, slamming it hard behind him as he disappeared.
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Date: 2011-05-02 08:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-02 08:30 am (UTC)